Feeling a little curious? Perhaps a little bi-curious? Nina Hartley has some excellent advice on what to do when a woman wants to start exploring sex with another female. First, you have to take a step back and think about your true desires and needs. Getting from “just being attracted” to actually getting down and dirty can be complicated. Luckily, Hartley says that we are lucky to live in a time and a place where opportunities for sexual experimentation have never been greater. In fact, sex between women has become downright trendy. Hartley says all the talk shows and magazines are talking about lesbian trysts and as fads are packaged for mass consumption, sex is not immune. But in a woman’s favor, feeling a sense of security in being able to explore our bi-curious side might be easier if it’s more accepted by the mainstream.
Hartley also says that women have an easier time feeling affection for each other than two men do. Men feel ashamed, which mostly has to do with the culture, of being attracted. From an early age, women are shown that’s its okay, and not in a completely sexual way, to hug, kiss, lock arms and pet each other. And because society is obsessed with feminine beauty, two women are allowed to admire each other. And one of the unfortunate by-products of our culture’s fascination with “women as objects” of erotic desire is a fostering of competition that makes women feel like they can’t trust each other and thus makes emotional intimacy risky. And because of those feelings of being hurt is why many women keep themselves from exploring their bi-sexual fantasies.
Hartley says that in order to explore that bi-sexual side, you have to get inside your own head to see if you are really bi-curious, truly bi-sexual, or perhaps even lesbian. Firstly, you can start to look at your own fantasies: how frequent they are and how long we’ve had them. It’s one thing to wonder casually what it would be like to sleep with a super model and one thing to have pictures of them all over their walls as a teenager. Hartley says that if you have had sexual thoughts about women since you first started masturbating you definitely qualify as bi-curious at least and doesn’t quite mean that you are a full lesbian. If your fantasies also include men – either alone or with other women – you fall somewhere in the grey area. Fear of the stigma of being gay causes many women to suppress their bi-curiosity for fear of the social consequences. Women who are strictly lesbians have to deal with that stigma in their day to day lives and that’s no small thing, but when it’s an issue of just a little sexual arousal society doesn’t quite have to know. Society can’t judge what goes on in your mind or “other hidden parts.” Hartley says if you like penis, a little female cunilingus isn’t going to mean you will stop liking penis. Simple bi-curiosity isn’t a gateway into full-blown lesbianism. But finding another woman with the same curiosity can be tricky and finding the person to make the first move with can be even trickier.
Hartley says that best friends always seem like the best candidates for experimentation, but it isn’t always the case. Starting a new emotional attachment to your best friend after building another kind of attachment can add a whole host of emotions like jealousy and resentment. But a stranger that you just met can be just as complicated, because you run the risk of somebody running off and feeling pretty embarrassed. So, what’s girl to do? Risky or not, the only sensible thing to do is to be honest about your feelings. If you feel attracted to a woman and you feel like if it persists it will become an issue, you have to speak up and take your chances. Hartley says it’s easier to know when it isn’t the right time, than when it is – it’s not the right time when both are intoxicated or in a state of emotional distress. Women are just as capable as thinking with their pussies as men are with their dicks. Hartley says to avoid complication its best to broach the subject in the afternoon – at a public place. You need to be able to communicate your objectives and how far you are willing to go – from just some simple petting to full on lesbian sex. Hartley says you have to make your intention clearer and clearer the most serious you want to be. If there is some hesitance on the other woman’s part, don’t push it…. she might come around later. Hartley says that one of the most important things is to respect their decision no matter what – that means no guilt trips if they are not into it.
Hartley says that when you are choosing a partner – choose someone that wants what you want and nothing less. A more experience woman or a woman who might actually be a lesbian might see your affections as just a passing fancy and that can lead to a lot of drama. Also, a woman needs to be sure what their body wants and nature and society can complicate things. For a man, an erect penis can’t be ignored for too long, but a woman’s vagina is different. The female clitoris is only the tip of the iceberg and learning to know if you are actually aroused is more subtle and varied. Hartley says that because of the variations, many women need to learn how to make themselves have an orgasm in order to have the confidence to make another woman have an orgasm. Hartley says that acceptance of your own body and confidence is one the most important parts of having your bi-curiosity satisfied.
“image is a copyrighted photo of model(s)”